Today was a pretty slow day in terms of appointments & updates. Here’s a short post.

 

FERTILITY

I had trouble getting the fertility clinic to call me back today, which is frustrating because this is the only thing delaying the start of my chemotherapy. They ended up calling at 5:05pm – five minutes too late for me for call into Dr. Stevens’ office to schedule the start of chemo.

The clinic was able to collect two vials of viable sample, which means two attempts at insemination. Success rates for insemination for normal AI is between 10-20%; IFV is closer to 50%.

I’m going in tomorrow for the collection of more vials (maybe more than two this time?) and also a blood test.

 

EMOTIONAL

I don’t quite understand this one… but I’ve been an emotional train wreck today. Starting at about 3pm, I’ve felt like I was ready to cry given the slightest provocation. I still have a huge frog in my throat.

I was hoping that after I got yesterday’s good news (early stage) that my anxiety level would drop and I’d be able to sleep through the night and go about a normal day. So far that hasn’t happened.

The strong part of me is mad at myself… I have no new reason today to be unstable, so wtf is wrong with me. Pull yourself together.

But the rational part of me keeps trying to say: Hey, you’ve got cancer. Your whole life has been turned upside down. You’re allowed to have a bad day and you don’t need to justify it.

It helped to have Mom call me tonight and let me know that it’s okay to feel down and scared and even cry if I need to. I wasn’t going to write about it on here, but I’m trying to be honest about the experience.

So if there’s someone reading this that is going through the same experience: I’m feeling sad and scared today. And that’s okay. I think tomorrow will be better.

 

TOMORROW’S APPOINTMENTS:

We’re expecting snow and ice tomorrow – so I plan on driving around town as much as possible.

Dentist (8am) – Hoping for a clean bill of health because I don’t have time for anything else.

Fertility Clinic (1pm) – Hoping for a full cup this time.

 

Much Love,

Merv